Ridin’ Solo

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I recently had a few days in Philly completely on my own whilst Ian was away in Florida and it really made me realise I could not do this on my own.  I could not physically or emotionally handle an international move (or even a move within the UK if we’re honest) by myself, yet I know people do it all the time, I have met people who have done it, men and women my age who have moved their whole life to a brand new place, not knowing anyone in the area or even visited the country before, having to make the decision of where to live, set up their home and create a life all by themselves, those people are pretty damn brave.

When you move abroad or somewhere new you are generally starting over, you move house, you start a new job, you have to make new friends and figure out how to live in this new place. You need to spend time finding out where to do your grocery shopping, the best places to buy furniture, where to go for all the other bits and bobs you need, the good places to eat out, how to drive on the opposite side of the road, it’s such a constant effort and sometimes I struggle with it all as part of a couple never mind on my own, even five months later!

There’s definitely been a lot of good times since being in America but there’s also been days when I’ve just wanted to curl up under the duvet, play a rubbish film and cry into my hot chocolate for an unknown amount of time.  Since moving to America I feel Ian has gotten to know the real me, like the real deep down crazy bitch me.  Don’t worry I’m not going to get all corny on you and tell you how we’ve grown as a couple, that’s not quite my style.   Before you judge me and tell me to stop moaning let me explain myself, moving is stressful, it is hard, there is a lot of change – sometimes I wake up and fist bump myself because I have it all together and I can’t fully believe it, and sometimes, well,  I want to punch everyone that tells me to have a great ** day in the forehead.

** Insert whatever word you wish here, my mam and dad read this so I gotta play nice.

I seem to have developed extreme mood swings that I thought I left behind when I turned 18, the kind that change me into a horrible person and unfortunately, Ian has front row seats to the show.  Let me give you an example, the other day we were sat opposite each other in a coffee shop having lunch when Ian looked at me for more than 0.02 seconds, leading me to screech WHAT?! at him like he’d just told me he wants to see other people, and that those other people are men.   Now don’t get me wrong I’m not always like this, most days I’m an award winning house-wife, I make myself look pretty, I keep the apartment clean and tidy, I make sure the washing and ironing is done and I serve dinner on our best china (that last bits a lie).  The problem is I don’t want to be a house-wife and sometimes I get bored, I get frustrated, I miss home, I miss my family and friends being in the same time zone as me, and I get sad and annoyed that I feel all those things.  Most days Ian is the only person I see and as much as I try not to, I sometimes take it out on him.  Last week I reminded myself how lucky I am and how different my life would be if Ian hadn’t sent me that face book message three years ago so I should probably try to up my niceness from 60% to maybe 80%.  Gotta save the 20% for ‘hormones’ as a back up, don’t want to get too ahead of myself.

You’re probably wondering what I got up to with a full 96 hours completely to myself, well it’s a given that I went shopping, I have to fit the stereotype of a kept woman in some ways.  I went to the gym everyday, I did some writing, I went grocery shopping, I cooked, I emailed some people back home, I ordered some things for the apartment, I had a wander around some thrift stores, I went out for lunch by myself, I watched eighty two episodes of friends, one film and numerous random celebrity interviews on you tube, all quite ground breaking stuff really. Generally I was fine, I mean I am an adult, but I did have one day when I had to ring my mam and ask her to tell me to do something because I was bored and sulking that I had zero friends, you’re never too old for this phone call.

Finally Ian returned home after a four hour delay with his flight, he was tired, annoyed and just wanted to sleep…I on the other hand had barely spoken to anyone for four days.  Poor guy.

I think it’s important to remember everyone has bad days, hopefully you guys can relate to mine and laugh at all our crazy moments that will no doubt continue to happen.

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